I spent a good part of the day Sunday fiddling with the sprinkler system. This heralds the annual ritual of prepping for the long, hot summer ahead, adjusting spray patterns and replacing various parts that didn’t survive the winter (or the lawn mower). Just in time for the growing season. Which in my case begs the question, “Why bother?” For if the past can teach us anything, it’s that Curt plants and God laughs.
This is all that remains of…well, I honestly don’t even remember what the hell it was I planted here last year. All I know is that it preferred death over a second season in my care. So be it. Via con Dios. Next up, an Asiatic Lily, which beckoned with a cheerful, vibrant yellow/orange bloom at the store. At least one gardening website calls it a “hardy” flower that requires little care. That description notwithstanding, the betting line amongst my neighbors is offering 12 to 1 odds that it won’t make it to October.
The euonymus in the backyard has fought a valiant, if hopeless, battle since I first planted it half a decade ago, growing at a glacial pace. But now it is somehow even smaller than it was last year, leading me to believe that it may have begun some strange reverse aging process, in the manner of Benjamin Button.
I sent an email to the horticultural specialists at Colorado University offering them an opportunity to observe this unprecedented phenomenon, but received only a terse reply assuring me that Mulder and Scully would be out shortly to investigate.
I have no answers, nor am I looking for them any more. This power I wield simply is, like Superman’s laser-vision. And as with any true superhero, I even have my own costume. But do you have any idea how difficult it can be to mow the grass while draped in that long black robe and dragging that scythe around?